Interview with Author Megan Lindahl Goodrich - Beyond Terminal: Processing Childhood Trauma to Reclaim Self

For those who don’t know, could you share a bit about your book and your story?

Beyond Terminal: Processing Childhood Trauma to Reclaim Self is about coming to terms with my childhood illness and learning to integrate this traumatic, near-death experience with my adult self.

So much of my childhood was dedicated to my illness and rehabilitation that once I’d physically recovered, I was ready to move on with my life and pretend as though what I’d endured had never happened. The challenge with this was that the trauma of what I’d experienced lived inside of me, even if it was at a suppressed level.

After experiencing a second trauma, I started therapy. Ultimately, with the help of a seasoned therapist, my focus soon shifted to unearthing twenty-year-old memories from my childhood.

Why now? What compelled you to write this book at this time?

At the age of eleven, I was told with certainty that my brain was irreversibly damaged and that I would soon die. We were left with no hope.

I am now 50-years-old.

If it weren’t for my mom’s tenacity, I would have died. And, had an autopsy been done, the initial diagnosis most likely would have been confirmed.

However, my disease progression didn’t align completely with that of my diagnosis, which led my parents on a formidable quest. From the ages of eleven to thirteen, I saw over one hundred doctors, the last of whom suggested an alternative diagnosis and treatment, which, thankfully, happened to be correct.

As a parent, I started thinking about my illness differently. I’d always appreciated the role my parents played in my healing journey, yet I understood their commitment and sacrifice on a different level when my son was born.

Sometimes diagnoses need to be questioned—and sometimes they need to be accepted. Either way, it’s essential that parents advocate for their child.

What was your process for writing the book? Did you look at old photos, read your medical records, or collaborate with people who lived through it with you? What did it feel like to dive into that space?

While I’ve always loved books, I didn’t see myself as a writer before starting my manuscript. Given this, I knew I needed to surround myself with people who could teach me the craft. I was fortunate to take a number of classes with Mary Carroll Moore at The Loft Literary Center. She taught me the concept of writing “islands,” or writing about one memory or idea at a time.

As I sat pouring through my medical records and my mom’s three-inch thick folder filled with research articles, notes, and journal entries, I kept Mary’s advice in mind. All I needed to do was write one “island,” and then another. So that’s what I initially did.

Over the course of several years, I compiled all these islands chronologically. It made for an interesting story. Yet I knew that, as a private person, I wanted there to be a universal truth if I were going to one day consider publishing.

Eventually with the help of the great team at Wise Ink, I realized the universal truth was trauma. With this in mind, I rewrote the story from my adult perspective as I learned to come to terms with my childhood trauma. Yes, my medical journey is unique, but there are commonalities among those of us who process trauma.

As far as diving into this writing space is concerned, I wouldn’t have been able to do this had it not been for the EMDR therapy I’d done under the supervision of an excellent therapist. She helped me recall—and give voice to—shards of memories that eventually were assembled into a whole. Recalling the memories again in order to transcribe them for my book wasn’t easy. But I’d also say by the end it was cathartic because I have actually published my book, an undertaking I wasn’t sure I’d have the courage to do when I began this project.

What do your family members who are mentioned in the book think about it?

My husband Dan continually reminds me how proud he is of me. Other than my parents, he’s the one who truly knows what a big deal it is that I decided to seek out a publisher. Had it been a viable avenue, I would have considered publishing my book under a pseudonym. However, one of the other themes of my book is the importance of authenticity, and, given this, I knew I’d feel a disconnect if I didn’t put my name on the cover.

My parents are very proud of me too. One piece that’s highlighted more extensively in the manuscript in which I told my story chronologically was the degree to which my mom dedicated her waking hours to helping me get better for more than three years.

My mom likes both iterations of my book, and at the same time she and I are aware of the number of noteworthy doctors’ appointments that didn’t make the final cut. As a writer, I learned that, if one appointment repeated the same emotional truth as another, then both don’t need to be included. This was a hard lesson to learn, and ultimately my mom has the same objective I do—to help as many people as possible. All these years later, she continues to be my biggest cheerleader.

Who would benefit the most from reading your book?  When people read it, what do you hope they will better understand?

I would imagine many of Alongside Network’s folks, that is, families with a child who has a life-threatening illness or injury, would be considered my target audience.

As many of us know, hospitals are great at providing acute care to these individuals, but there is a gap in our healthcare system post-discharge. Living through a life-threatening illness or injury is harrowing. Yet processing living through this experience is harrowing too, and there often aren’t support systems in place for these families. It is critical for these families to know they’re not alone and for them to be supported by caring professionals and others who have shared life experiences.

So, ultimately, it’s my intention that those who read my book feel seen and know there is hope.

How has your experience affected your parenting?

Living through an experience such as mine impacts all parts of your life, especially parenting.

Prior to therapy, I still was trying to capture the person I thought I would have been had I not gotten sick, or the person I refer to as Parallel Megan in my book. Parallel Megan would have gone to medical school, and she would have balanced a high-end career while still being the school’s PTA president. Or so I thought at the time.

I’ve come to understand that very few of us get through life unscathed and life can be messy. Perhaps I learned this earlier than others. Regardless, this understanding influences my approach to parenting.

My biggest goal is to raise my children to be kind and respectful. And eventually I’d like them to pursue a field that they’re passionate about, regardless of how society views that profession.

Where can people purchase your book?

You can purchase my book on Amazon. The audio version, read by Jessica Taige, of my book, is available on Audible.

Are you doing any book signings or speaking coming up?

I have started presenting at book clubs. At this time, I haven’t sought out speaking engagements because…well, because I’m an ambivert and the material in my book is raw and hard to talk about. My desire to help others might eventually push me into these other arenas. (We’ll see…)