Lucky / Sucky

Sucky and lucky often go together on a health journey.

So much of a health journey exists is the space my good friend calls “Lucky Sucky Territory.” You have a community of support to walk with you through the tough times-- so lucky! There are going to be tough times because your child is not well-- so sucky! If there’s one thing that I’ve learned through my personal experiences and work in this space, it’s that the lucky and the sucky often go together. Our challenge is to keep even just the tiniest bit more of the focus on the lucky instead of the sucky.

Parents and caregivers of kids with life-threatening illness or injury carry an enormous emotional weight. Not only are they experiencing their own feelings about what’s happening, but they are in the position of helping coach their child through their big feelings, too. It can be a LOT. 

We also know these same parents and caregivers often become superheroes by necessity. This is not what we signed up for, and at the same time we find we are capable of so much more than we had previously understood. 

Much of this superpower comes from knowing what to carry when. We let things go when our kid needs us, knowing we can pick them up again later. We momentarily prioritize our sick or injured child above our other children, if we have them, because we know we who needs us the most and when. We make hard choices even when we don’t want to, and we learn to live with the consequences of those choices.

This same prioritizing and choice-making can be true for how we carry the heavy emotional load of our child’s illness, too. The more intentional we can be, the easier it will be to pick up the pieces later or to live with the outcomes of our choices.

A daily practice that can be useful in cultivating this intentionality is focusing on the sucky/lucky. Whether it’s making a short list at the end of the day, discussing it over dinner, or just making a mental note as you’re falling asleep, give yourself the space to acknowledge the sucky and then feel gratitude for the lucky. 

It might look like this:

Sucky: My child should not have to go through this. How am I ever going to go back to work? That nurse’s tone is so frustrating. We are drowning in medical bills.

Lucky: I love my child so much and am grateful I’m able to be here with them while they go through this. It was so nice to get a visit from my sister today. I have confidence in the care we’re receiving, even if it’s not always perfect. The social worker has been so helpful as we figure out these medical bills.

It’s a huge challenge, but the trick is to shine the spotlight on the positive, even if just a tiny bit more than the negative. Let the lucky answer the sucky, such that the lucky gets the last word. Then, add in a few lucky things that don’t have a sucky aspect to them. Allow your mind to acknowledge the grief, frustration, and difficulty, then shift the focus to gratitude. Over time, this will help keep you-- and, by proxy, your child!-- from focusing on the negative and, instead, help shine the spotlight on the positive.